Ssenkrad

My mom lives in the middle of complete desolute farmland and hills. One of our horses died giving birth. Her name was Daisy. Me and Daisy weren't really that close, but I'm still saddened. Firstly, seeing my little sisters in tears over the incident was heartbreaking enough in itself. Second, as soon as I saw them bring the rifle out to put her out of complete misery... It was just a really bad feeling.

We got a new puppy. I'm not the biggest dog fan, but she is the sweetest little thing ever.

***

I'm just ready to get school over with for a little while. It's draining, depressing, and I'd so rather be at Coachella right now. I have so much going on this summer I can't even straighten it out clearly right now.

I'll be spending a couple short weeks in Arkansas, during which I better be getting my homemade cheesecake and apple pie (Trainor!!)! Also squeezing in a visit to Asha, possibly a camping trip on the Buffalo River, my two sisters' graduation, and maybe a trip down to Houston. Then, when I get back apparently I'm being dragged to a different million concerts. Yesss.

***

I hate the worm covered sidewalks after the rain. Literally as well as metaphorically.

Happy Cows Come From California

I felt like yesterday was Tuesday... around 9:30ish I started flipping out because I thought I was missing House. False alarm.



I wonder... what's the point in having certain morals if all you're gonna do is teach them? If someone comes to you and asks for advice, you tell them your wholehearted opinion... as hard as it might be for them to accept it. Then they actually take your advice. Does it make you feel good that others are adopting your opinions and putting them into action? But then when it comes down to it, and you have the chance to prove yourself you that you'll probably end up taking the easy way out anyway.


Who gets to decide what's right? Who put that person in charge?!

........

I think I'm gonna re-read 1984 sometime soon... because I feel like reading something, and it was just that amazing.

Wonder

The driving force is always people. Their remarks couldn't have cut deeper that day. Being a cynical smart ass didn't help the situation, but sometimes I have that problem. The house is too small to be alone anywhere. Too many people pretend to care, it's hard to get away.

The pounding rain was the only comfort, and the sound of it lightened my mood. You called me, and you could tell something was wrong. You always can, I can't hide it from you. "Let's go for a ride" you said. There was no where to go. "We have everywhere to go", you always say that.

The mud had been soaking up water for three days now. You drive, sometimes we both sit in thought, sometimes engaged in small talk. Never once did we touch. You parked somewhere undisturbed by society, but still close enough to watch.

People are astonishing we decide. We give each person a fictional life, give them stories to fill unknown gaps. What were they doing here? Who are their enemies? Friends? What is their family like? What are they hiding from the people they're with? What are their secrets?

Then we told each other our own secrets. I'm not sure if there's anything you don't know anymore. We get lost in our conversation. The night could've lasted forever. We never ran out of things to say.

We don't have a choice when it comes to life. "That's the great thing, no one gets out alive." There's no such thing as the fairy tale ending. I have no idea what I want, and I told you this. You don't know either. Time is running out. We're told we have plenty of time, but that's just what we want to hear. There's no time. Time. That moment was all that mattered.

Eventually the rain dimmed down. The drops of water collect on the windshield and windows, reflecting on the dashboard. You always pay attention to the details, always have a talent for description and creativity. Sometimes your imagination amazes me.

I still felt safe even after you left me.

I begin to live for bad days with endings like that.

You give me miles of mountains, but I ask for the sea.

Got my midterm grades last week.

I have so much crap to do and seriously need concentration.

-Huge American history midterm tomorrow (even though it's past the point of the middle of sem.)
-Crap load of art history work (I strongly dislike history, all forms of it: art, american, world, persian)
-Extra credit Psychology
-Extra credit Comm (due tonight, eek)
-Academic Advising (ooo fun, hope my new advisor is even half as amazing as my former one was. dumbass.)
-Fundamentals test on tuesday
-HUGE Communications assignment due next Thursday (it's due after the test because apparently it's more important to know the information on the test for this assignment, and not in the reverse. So therefore the assignment is more important than the test? Gah.)
-And an oral presentation for English, no biggie though

Oh wait. This weekend is Easter. Prolly means I will have the honor of joining some family member's household for dinner. Well, I can't complain with a home-cooked meal.

And I'm almost completely sure no one really cares about my complaining. So now you therefore have complete rights to spill your any or all complaints about busy schedules and sucky lives or whatever out to me so that I too can pretend to care. Cheers.